An Unexpected Journey....A Changed Heart

After much preparation, continual prayer, and a new journal, I set off a journey that would change my heart. I had always heard people say they had a heart for this nation, but it was hard for me to completely comprehend and relate to that. I grew up hearing about things on the news and saw stereotypes in movies, and although I loved hearing about other people's passion, I felt as if I would never experience that same affection...or so I thought. But the Lord is sovereign. He sent me to be immersed in this culture for 10 days, and I came back with a heart so burdened and changed for this people group that I can't imagine a day where my prayers will not cover these people in love and beg the Lord for their salvation. I have faces and personalities in my mind that my heart literally hurts for. And that is what has been missing in my life the past 19 years. Sure I have always known people who do not know Christ, but I have been missing the key to spreading the Gospel daily and that is knowing and truly acknowledging the urgency that the person I'm laughing with, eating with, and starting to love will one day not be in Heaven with a Sovereign and loving God who has created them and longs for them to spend eternity with Him. Why would I not want to tell them where the joy that I have comes from? Where the peace that I live with, go to sleep with and wake up with that continually surrounds and comforts me is rooted in? Where the hope of the future that I have abides in? And where the love that is so easily shown to others is so perfectly modeled? Why would I not tell them about a Creator who made them, loves them, cares for them, walked this Earth for them, died for them, and raised to life for them taking their place and washing their black sins white as snow? All these years...and I have been missing it. My heart has not truly ached for them. But now, I don't know if I will see a day when it does not... and oh how life is different. How time on my knees is so much more precious. I see the faces and hear the laughs, I know the names, and although I don't know their hearts, I long for their hearts to know Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Not only in this culture, but people that I live life with daily. As a follower of Christ, this is what I have been made for. To love Him and pursue Him, but to point every single person I meet to Him. I pray that my life will model that. That my prayers and my conversations would truly glorify Him, and it would not be me, but the Holy Spirit who lives in me and who is continually leading and guiding my thoughts, steps, and words. It doesn't seem feasible to take for granted the salvation that I have and the grace that has covered me any longer... what a precious gift that is and how I long for every single person to know and experience the way we were created to comprehend and embrace the life that was so graciously given to us through the Son. 

A New Year - A Clean Slate

Why does the first day of the new year always feel so refreshing? Every morning the sun rises and we have new mercies and a God waiting for us to bring Him glory. But it seems through the mundane day-to-day routine, we begin to take that "refreshing new slate" for granted. Until of course that clock strikes midnight and the calendar turns a new year. Sparkling grape juice overflows as glasses "cheer" to what seems like a completely new start...free to choose and change, free to make your life anything you desire. What if we woke up every morning and acted like it was the start of a new year, a new day, free to make choices and love people the way Christ commands and the way He loves us? What if we woke up each morning and had a resolution, a resolution to pursue Him with everything we had and everything that was in us? What if when our feet hit the floor in the morning, we were thanking Him for the blessings and trials of the past, but looking forward to what He was going to bring next? What if we woke up each morning and had a willingness to serve in whatever way we could? What if we woke up feeling refreshed, ready to conquer the day and start something new? What if we woke up every morning with a clean slate? The amazing thing is is that we do. And how often I take that for granted...

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning."
Lamentations 3:22-23

Sunrise of Sophomore Year

The start of a new day. The start of another grand adventure. It is always refreshing, always exciting, always a new slate, where you have the opportunity to fill it with sweet blessings and memories.

Although move-in day and the first week were complete whirlwinds, I was constantly reminded how the Lord is ever-soverign. From friendships and relationships to classes and activities, I can honestly look back over the last year and see the Lord's hand in my life here at Samford. In the small things and in the big things, I wouldn't be where I am now without Him guiding my steps.

It is amazing to think about how this time last year my friendships were just beginning and my place here at Samford was so unknown. Although new friendships are still forming and my journey here still continues to unfold, I smile knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.

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Sunset of Summer 2012

God's beauty is ever-present. Sunsets are one of my favorite things in the world to watch. After a beautiful day of sun shining and blue skies, the tone changes as the sky begins to change colors and the sun beings to disappear beyond the horizon.

You can look back on the day and reflect on all the things that were accomplished and all the things that are still to do. And yet somehow, you can't help but smile while looking at the vibrant colors.

I look back on this summer as a wonderful sunset. As it is quickly coming to a close, I love reminiscing on all the fun adventures, new experiences, and dear time spent with my family. And as I look ahead to what the next few weeks hold, I can easily get overwhelmed, but I have to smile knowing the last three months have held more of the Lord's blessings than I can count.

As this chapter is ending, the sun is setting, and there is a smile on my face from the colors and treasured memories of summer 2012.

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Today Is Your Day

[Found this draft that I wrote last December. I could not be more happy to call Samford University home and love looking back on how the Lord led me there. So many blessings have come from it, and I cannot wait for another great year.]

“Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
Today I leave the only state I have ever called home to start a grand adventure at the beautiful University called Samford. Can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store. Thank you everyone for your prayers and support!
“Today is your day!
Your mountain is waitning.
So…get on your way!”

August 25, 2011. The day I left home. Feels so surreal. Feels like just yesterday. Yet, at the same time, feels like so much time has past between then and now.
This time last year, if someone had asked me where I was going to college (and many people did), I would have said University of Kentucky without even thinking twice about it. That was just simply where I was going. I had visited friends there many times, and had already started considering myself a Wildcat. However, in January, things started to change. And little by little, a few doors at UK started closing, and Samford’s doors started opening almost every day, until there was no more ignoring the fact that I might need to consider the University. I wasn’t exactly sure why, knowing I couldn’t afford it and that, being late January, I had missed every single deadline there was to make regarding scholarships and money. I remember calling my parents one day after school and asking them what they would think about me looking at Samford. They knew I had always wanted to go there, but, they were still a little hesitant, understandably, because of the price and because of how late into the year it was, and partially because of how far away from home it is. But on the other hand, my parents were also very encouraging and were my number one supporters throughout the process. My dad was the first to help me start making phone calls and my mom hopped on a plane to Birmingham with me to visit for a weekend. While I was there, I knew. Coming home, I confidently told them that was where I wanted to go to college, Lord willing. And throughout the next few months, with much prayer and reliance on the Lord, everything started falling in place. I was accepted less than a week after I applied and received scholarship money that I didn’t think I would get because of missed deadlines. The day I finally made the decision, I remember just having an incredible peace that I knew was the Lord’s confirmation. Many prayers and pages in my journals had been filled with college decisions and worries, fears and anticipation, but I finally knew where I was going. I was going to Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama.
Looking back, I can see how the Lord used all of the closed doors at UK to lead me exactly where He wanted me.

"We can make our plans,
but the LORD determines our steps."
Proverbs 16:9

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
 and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Baccalaureate

A night to remember.

I was never more surprised than when I was asked to speak at my Baccalaureate. My whole senior year I had heard my dad ask countless times, "Hey Tab, are you going to need to give a speech at graduation?! Because I have mine that I gave. It's timeless and I can get it for you if you need it." I repeatedly said, "Dad, I'm not going to give a speech." Only to hear the next week, "Hey! You sure you won't need that speech?" I had to smile, knowing I would have to call him and finally tell him I would be needing that speech of his.
I was asked to write a 4-5 minute speech that would be a reflection of my years at CAL and a sending off of the class of 2011. My perspective on Christian Academy was a bit different since I started there my sophomore year rather than starting in kindergarten.
That night I started praying, I had no idea what I was going to talk about. For about a whole week, I literally had nothing. I would sit down to write and I had no thoughts or starters, no lines or endings. I was getting a little nervous as I knew Baccalaureate was fast approaching.
The teacher helping me with my speech told me sometimes it helps to have a thread that you can work around - a certain object or idea that's present throughout the speech.
So I started thinking of ideas like crayons or markers, high lighters, construction paper or even colors. I had always liked office supplies. And although the ideas started out as a joke and made everyone laugh, there was a theme and it suddenly dawned on me.
A pencil.
You use a pencil in kindergarten, high school and even college. I had seen a giant pencil in the art room and asked the teacher if I could borrow it. With much help and support from my parents, family and a few teachers, my speech started coming together. Although it wasn't perfect, and I was still making changes an hour before the ceremony, I had gone over it as many times as possible and told myself I was as ready as I'll ever be. (I only wish I had remembered to pick the pencil up the first time I walked to the podium....) I said a prayer before I went up and asked the Lord to calm my nerves and for His light to shine through me as I gave my speech.

"I have always liked pencils - the smell of a freshly sharpened pencil, buying new pencils, going to Office Depot to look at pencils. But I hate it when you are in the middle of writing a paper or taking a math test, and all of the sudden your pencil just breaks. You look down…asking yourself, “What am I going to do now?” Knowing you can’t go on any further without re-sharpening that pencil.

That is exactly what happened when I walked into another Louisville high school my sophomore year. In my Spirit and heart, something wasn’t right. I told my mom, “I feel like I don’t belong here anymore.” But like that broken pencil, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do or where I was going to go from there. My mom asked me where I thought I belonged, and in my heart, I felt like the Lord was leading me to CAL. I remember so vividly sitting in Mrs. Rafla’s office three days into sophomore year and her asking me why I wanted to come to CAL. I told her I had thought and prayed about it so much and wasn’t sure whether I should stay where I was and be a light, or come to CAL where I thought the Lord was leading me. She said something that I have never forgotten, she said, “Tabitha, sometimes the Lord puts us in certain situations and places where we are meant to be a light. But sometimes, He knows we need to be poured into and have our faith sharpened so we can be made stronger and be a light when we are called to be.”

That is exactly what CAL has been for me. For 3 years, I’ve been at a place where my faith has been nurtured and allowed to grow. I have kind of a unique perspective on CAL because I have attended a secular school, a parochial school and several small private schools. Coming here I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but I knew that I wanted to be in a place where the emphasis was on faith and prayer as a part of your daily life. My expectations were far exceeded when I saw 400 high school students gathered at 7a.m. on the Great Lawn to pray, when I saw dozens of students running out of the cafeteria to make it to the lunch Bible Study, and when I witnessed my fellow seniors miss 5th period, not for a senior meeting, but to kneel at the foot of the cross in tears. By attending Christian Academy, I have been sharpened not only as a person, but also as a disciple and follower of Christ.

Now back to this pencil. I have always loved pencils….and for that matter, color pencils, post it notes, high lighters, markers, crayons, etc etc etc…. In fact, the joke at my house was always “What should we get Tabitha for her birthday?” “Oh just get her a gift card to Office Depot.” As you might guess or may already know - I want to be a teacher. I used to get so excited at the start of school in the fall, because I would get to go buy new school supplies. In the movie You’ve Got Mail, Meg Ryan said, “Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.”

The funny thing is that we are like pencils in a way. There are many shapes, sizes, styles and colors, but the thing that remains the same about all of them is they all get worn down or even broken after use. So what do you do? They have to be re-sharpened, refilled or bought new. The same holds true for us.

Just like the lead in a pencil gets worn down, our spirit gets worn down from the struggles and trials of daily life. So how do we re-sharpen our spirit? My mom used to tell me how when she was a little girl and her pencil became dull she would take it to her daddy. He would reach in his pocket, take out his pocketknife and carefully re-sharpen her pencil. That is exactly what our Heavenly Father does for us. Sometimes He will personally sharpen and mold us with His hands, and sometimes he puts people in our lives who encourage us and help us grow more than we could imagine. As iron sharpens iron, so do our brothers and sisters in Christ sharpen us in our walk with the Lord.

Also, sometimes with the wear and tear of life, we start to feel empty. Just as our pencils run out of lead and need to be refilled, we too need to be replenished. Simply being in the Word of God and allowing it to draw us closer to Him will give us a deeper walk with the Lord. Romans 12 assures us that our minds will be transformed by this renewing.

Along our journeys, we may also find ourselves in a place where we are completely broken. Stopped in our tracks. Hopeless. But just like a broken pencil was once bought new, the same holds true for us. We were bought with a price far greater than we could ever imagine – Christ’s life, death and sacrifice. He makes us new creations – the old is gone the new has come. So whenever we feel we are broken or too worn out to be completely sharpened, all we need to do is go back to the beginning – back to the cross.

For many of us, Christian Academy has been the place where we have been sharpened, refilled and pointed toward the cross. The challenge now for each of us, as we leave the familiar halls of CAL, will be to find a new place that will not only sharpen our own faith, but allow us the opportunity to sharpen, refill and point others toward the cross.

I like to think of the graduating class of 2011 as a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. So, no matter what kind of pencil you are, mechanical or wooden, colorful or charcoal, number 1 or number 2, .7 or .5 -- it’s time for us all to go make our mark on the world."

Life Unwritten

Unwritten. What do you first think of when you hear the word “unwritten?” For the last few months, whenever I heard or saw the word “unwritten” I would think of my life. My life is unwritten. Now granted, I have lived a little over 17 years, and each chapter that I’ve lived through is written. However, whenever I feel like I’ve accomplished something big, made a huge decision, or completed a task in front of me, another one seems to be waiting at the finish line, or the end of the chapter. I have to laugh because I know when authors write a book, the best way to keep the reader’s attention at the end of each chapter is to end it in a way that you have to continue reading, and that’s the way my life seems. I know God has the finished copy up in Heaven, but He certainly isn’t letting me read it or look at it.

I’ve always thought I had the Table of Contents down and set in stone. I would start elementary school, finish middle school, enjoy my high school years, advance on to college, get the job I’ve always wanted, and marry the man of my dreams. I would then have kids, maybe adopt, teach them and raise them to love God above all else, and help them write their book just like I am in the process of writing mine. I would have a beach house in North Carolina and be the best mom possible. I have to stop myself there – life is not perfect. And that seems too perfect. God knows my Table of Contents that I have in my head, but I’m curious to see how different God’s chapters are for me than the chapters I want to write. He is the perfect author, and as I am living my life day by day passionately pursuing Him, I am figuring out what it truly means to let God have the pen to my life. He needs to be the author, not me.

I’ve always heard the quote,

"Life is God's novel. Let him write it."

So this blog is going to be a bit about my life, my journey pursuing God wholeheartedly, and what I learn along the way. He has taught me more than I can fathom over the last 17 years, and I can’t even begin to imagine what I will learn in the years to come as I let God take the pen out of my hands and begin writing my Unwritten story.