23...

23...

My, what a year. 11 days away from being half way through 23...and my, what I have learned. 

When I turned 23, I remember waking up with several texts and fun emojis on my screen, but before I read any of those sweet words, I remember opening up my notes and just taking a moment to give this year to the Lord. I wrote down all my worries, fears, anxieties, excitement, joy, unknowns, hearts' desires, wishes and worries. I remember praying about a teaching job. I remember praying about where I was going to live and how I was going to find a place. I remember praying about if, when and who I was going to date, and about my good friend who had just asked to take me on a date days before. I remember praying about my family and my summer and my little sister's first year of college. I remember praying about my brother and our family's strained relationship with him. I remember praying about the discipleship program I had just finished and all the processing I was still doing from the year of ministry. I remember praying for the unknowns that had so taken over my life at the time. I remember thinking that I didn't think I was ready to be 23...that it seemed older than 22...and the year ahead seemed daunting....

Well, 6 months later, the Lord has been gracious to me to answer those prayers, some in such clear provision and some in a hazy answer of waiting...some through a season of struggle and weariness and others through the epitome of joy and gratefulness. I have learned a lot in these last 6 months...

In those 6 months, I spent 2 months with my family being at home for the first time in over 5 years, I spent time applying, interviewing and finally accepted a teaching job five states away and moved 12 hours from home, I went on a date with one of my best friends and have been figuring out not only how to pursue each other, but also how to do it 600 miles apart...I have learned what it looks like to budget and pay bills and grocery shop and cook dinner. I have learned what it looks like to be so worn out from working that I fall asleep at 9 o'clock and I have learned what it looks like to naturally wake up at 7 o'clock on a Saturday. I have learned what it looks like to love a classroom full of students and how to discipline and show grace and display patience when you are so very weary. I have learned how to keep in contact with friends hundreds of miles away and the sweetness of quality time with kindred spirits. I have learned the importance of prayer and of being in God's Word and my love for hot tea that gets me through every morning. I have learned that I love creating a space and find so much joy in fixing something up. I have learned that I could antique shop all day on Saturdays and that nothing quite rejuvenates me like fresh air and sunshine. I have learned that I love breakfast, and that sometimes facetime dates can be almost as good as the real thing. I have learned that laundry and dishes often become last on the to do list and that is ok. I have learned that grading is a skill that I am not great at because I would rather every student get 100. I have learned that I love hugs and that I will easily keep a note and a picture forever. I have learned the joy that comes along with sponsoring a child and the sweetness of being able to help people and bless people with the gift of an income. I have learned that sometimes there's nothing like calling home after a long day, and there is something enchanting about the evening air. I have learned that I could sit outside all morning listening to the birds and lay outside all night looking at the stars. I have learned that saying yes can be good, but saying no can also be best. I have learned that I value quality time and that it is hard to be truly honest with myself. I have learned the benefit of hard conversations and the blessing that comes with honesty and trust. I have learned that goodbyes are hard and sometimes tears are good. I have learned that naps sometimes solve more than we know and that dependence on the Lord is something that can deepen every day. I have learned the importance of deep friendships and the incomparable foundation of faith that can last through mountains of change and seasons of hard transitions. I have learned the contentment of being where you know the Lord has placed you and the peace that comes in resting in his provision. I have learned that being 23 is full of life and lessons and laughter and tears and learning to pray and trust and love in a different way...

In this season of unsettledness, yet beginnings of new chapters, I am reminded of the many blessings and challenges that the Lord has given me and how grateful I am to have a faith that walks through both with such a steadiness. I am thankful for these past 6 months and grateful that the unknowns of this journey are so intricately known by a Savior who loves me deeply and has called me to be His. I am thanking him for the opportunities for faith that he continues to provide. Let's continue to do this thing, 23...I'm learning a lot.

Home.

Home. 

One word...One place...

So many meanings...

A place where memories are made, families thrive, joy outlasts, and tears are shed...

A place where you can be yourself, where you learn little lessons, and tackle big moments...

A place where your little self becomes your grown-up self, but a place where you never forget how to be your little-girl self...

A place where pictures are taken, and moments are framed, where you learn how to forgive, and truly how to love...

A place where you share a cup of tea, enjoy meals around the table, and sit in rocking chairs for hours at a time...

A place where big decisions were made, and life paths were decided, a place where you learned to put your faith in the One who knows most of all...
And a place that becomes a reminder that this really isn't our home at all...

A place that has become more than a place...but a piece of who you are and who you want to be...

I am forever thankful for my "home." 

And the blessing of one word, one place, that is now becoming more than a home, but a piece of who I will always be...

The front porch.

The front porch...

To me this place represents so many things... 

So many moments on this porch...so many hours, days, and conversations...

So many prayers, so many books, so many phone calls...

So many late nights, early mornings, and rainy afternoons...

So many summer meals, so many family memories, and so many naps...

So many welcomes, so many goodbyes, so many pictures... 

To me this place represents so many things

That I'm saying "see you later" to and wishing fall to come.

Maybe takes the cake as my favorite place with some of my favorite memories...

He clings to what he knows...

"In the darkness, Jesus doesn't analyze what he doesn't know. He clings to what he knows." 

- Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life.

Wow, that sentence hit home and made me think...he doesn't analyze what he doesn't know, but he clings to what he knows. What would that look like in my life? I think about things A) way too often, B) a lot, and C) very slowly. I overthink, I under think, I analyze, I question, I process, I think and think and think until I have thought myself around in circles and then some... While I think processing is good and healthy and a life without thinking wouldn't get you very far either, I long to be able to say, I don't worry about what I don't know, but cling to what I do know.

On the cross, when Jesus was being crucified, he began to quote Psalm 22, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" He meditates on this and maybe set out to say the entire Psalm... To know the Scripture so well, that when the darkest moment in his life came, he held tightly to what he knew, to what he knew gave him life and brought him light, and in the darkness, he didn't question, he didn't analyze, but he placed confident hope in his Father.

I long for my life and for those darkest moments to look like that. I don't analyze what I don't know, but I cling to what I do. "Both the child and the cynic walk through the valley of the shadow of death. The cynic focuses on the darkness; the child focuses on the Shepherd." - Paul E. Miller

If you take the Good Shepherd out of Psalm 23, you are left alone in a world of evil. Miller states, "We are left obsessing over our wants in the valley of the shadow of death, paralyzed by fear in the presence of our enemies." But with the Good Shepherd, we are no longer sheep without a shepherd, we are sheep being led by THE Shepherd. And that alone is enough to cling to... To stop analyzing, and to start abiding...that's my for prayer today.

There's something about walking in an airport...

There's something oddly refreshing about walking in an airport to me. I'm not sure why...maybe it's because my dad is a pilot, or maybe it's my love for traveling, but either way...it can be somewhat serene. Maybe not when you're rushing to make a connection, but usually, at least to me, there is a quaint feeling. I think it's a small metaphor for life -- which can be sad and yet somewhat affirming...everyone is going somewhere. So many different destinations, so many different journeys, so many different ways of getting to where you're going...but everyone is going somewhere. 

And you get to be one person in the midst of an "everybody..." with a destination in sight and enjoying the walking in between...thinking, praying, listening, and watching...so many different people, cultures, families, and lives all being connected through one place...and through that one place, everyone's journeys overlap even for just a moment. There's just something so neat about it...

"When you travel, and when you read, you are not actually alone, but rather surrounded by other worlds entirely, the footsteps and phrases of whole other lives keeping you company as you go."  - Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines

Patience While You Drive

Patience while you drive...

I started thinking about this the other day while I was driving with my little sister. We were just "do-daddlin" (a phrase I coined for just running errands or just bebopping around town) and I caught myself more than once comment on/about another person's driving. Either they didn't turn fast enough, or forgot to turn on their blinker, or were driving too slow in front of me, or too fast behind me...the list goes on...but as I was driving with my little sister in the seat next to me, I realized how much my speech definitely didn't match how I normally talk to my friends and family. 

Not that I was saying anything crazy, but just little comments started getting to me...little signs of frustration that I was showing to someone I didn't even know. Little things I said that if they heard me say they would not see Christ in my actions or my words. As my faith deepens and my actions and words take on more weight (as they should as a Christian) I started thinking how this would look different than the world we live in. In Hebrews 10, it talks about that we have been set apart as holy and in 1 Timothy 4, it says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." Set an example in speech....

In James 3:9-12, it gives warning on this exact thing... "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." This hits home on so many levels, but one in particular, when we were in Israel, we learned a ton about springs...how they symbolize Living Water, how they provide life, and refresh and nourish...and when I landed on my identity statement as a "refreshing spring of truth..." I realized that the Lord has called me to be that not just when I'm "doing ministry" but also, when I'm in the car with my little sister driving to Kroger.

As I think back to all the times that my same tongue praised Jesus in the morning, then expressed so much frustration toward a person I didn't know...man, it's convicting to me. I don't know if it would hit home for you, but this has been on my heart the past few weeks, and I couldn't help but share. I am so much more aware now of how I respond in my car and on the road. Not that I'm in recovery as road-range addict, far from it, but I am learning and the Lord is teaching me how our little actions matter too. And our speech should always be pleasing and edifying because we were given a responsibility and a calling as people set apart. In 1 Peter 2:9, it states, "But you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." Yes. May I declare those praises at every moment, and may I live my life as people belonging to God. 

So here's to praying instead of letting my frustration get the best of me...it's just another picture how I am being refined and molded and I thought I'd share this morning. Hope this encourages you and the Lord uses it how He will in your life, and I'm thankful for the little lessons in life where I get to refocus my heart and thoughts and especially my words...

Life is about creating places to sit...

Life is about creating places to sit...

Now I'm not that experienced in having houses and apartments (I lived in the Chi O house for all 4 years in college and then an apartment that the Forge provided for this past year) but from what I've learned about people, hospitality, and hosting is that sitting is underrated. For some reason, sitting takes the edge off of entertaining and takes you to a downhome way of connecting. Maybe because it puts everyone on the same eye level, or maybe simply because it takes the stress off your feet, but whichever the reason, it does change the way people interact. They seem more at ease, more at home, and it opens up a whole new level of communication and connecting. 

It only makes sense because when you think about it often the first thing people will say when you walk in their home or office is, "Want to sit down?" or "Have a seat!" 

Hospitality is something that I don't think I will ever get tired of learning about or feel like I've mastered, but welcoming people in is a gift I feel that the Lord has blessed me with, and I just thought I would share my thoughts the past few days about creating places to sit. 

As I've been home for the summer, I have been helping Mom do some remodeling/rearranging at our house, while also trying to prepare to move into my first apartment, and it dawned on me the other day that creating places to sit is important. Even if you have a beautiful home, kitchen, or room, if there are no places to sit, there is really not that much opportunity to enjoy the space and connect with those around you. Now sometimes, like in a kitchen, there just isn't that much room to create an entire sitting area, obviously haha but I think now when I'm tying to buy furniture or rearrange a room, I'm thinking more about the conversations that could take place the connections that could be made if there is thought put into where people could sit. 

Now I also realize that the floor is a big option. There are several homes I have been in and places I have visited, that sitting on the floor seemed like the most perfect option. One is the family I nannied for last summer, they had an open house and a big wood floor that connected to their kitchen. There was a little couch and then several toys for their 16-month-old little girl to play with. I can't even count the amount of moments Lacey and I had sitting on the floor. Elah crawling around, learning to walk by herself, taking naps on blankets, the list goes on...the floor was just the right place to be. 

Also, in my room here at home. It is a pretty big space with white soft carpet, and the seating is limited. I have my bed....and well, that's pretty much it. For my desk, I actually have an exercise ball as the chair (trust me I'm not as trendy as I seem...it is simply due to the fact that I never made the time to go out and find a chair that would fit with my desk...so hence, the exercise ball. It always fits well because even when days go by where I don't do any exercise (happens more often than I would like to admit) I still can convince myself that I did something along those lines because I sat on an exercise ball while working at my desk hahaha!! A little journey through my thoughts there....) Anyway...back to my room....as you can probably get the picture, I never took the time to create any place to sit, but the floor serves it's purpose and maybe even better than I realize because there's no limit on the amount of people and conversations it can bring. The other night, after we threw my little sister a graduation tea, she had a few friends sleep over, my best friend Elizabeth was over, and my mom was upstairs enjoying the fun and we were all sitting on my floor. Laughing, talking, and enjoying each other. 

And this past year in the Forge, with 28 people eating dinner in a small apartment, we utilized every single space of the floor. It was a blast though and some of our most treasured memories.

I just think we can't look past the role that sitting plays in our lives and the metaphor of it bringing people and conversations together. From the front porch to the floor and everywhere in between...creating a place to sit is what life is all about. Just a few of my thoughts for the day...

Our front porch -- Audrey and I joke that they could
have saved a lot of money on a breakfast room table
because we eat almost all of our meals out here in the summer. 

Elah and me in our usual hangout spot...on the floor :) 

One of our many 28 person dinners...notice the empty spaces on the couch...
that's when you know you're used to sitting on the floor haha 

Audrey and her friends turned the back porch into a
feng shui sitting area the other night...