23...

23...

My, what a year. 11 days away from being half way through 23...and my, what I have learned. 

When I turned 23, I remember waking up with several texts and fun emojis on my screen, but before I read any of those sweet words, I remember opening up my notes and just taking a moment to give this year to the Lord. I wrote down all my worries, fears, anxieties, excitement, joy, unknowns, hearts' desires, wishes and worries. I remember praying about a teaching job. I remember praying about where I was going to live and how I was going to find a place. I remember praying about if, when and who I was going to date, and about my good friend who had just asked to take me on a date days before. I remember praying about my family and my summer and my little sister's first year of college. I remember praying about my brother and our family's strained relationship with him. I remember praying about the discipleship program I had just finished and all the processing I was still doing from the year of ministry. I remember praying for the unknowns that had so taken over my life at the time. I remember thinking that I didn't think I was ready to be 23...that it seemed older than 22...and the year ahead seemed daunting....

Well, 6 months later, the Lord has been gracious to me to answer those prayers, some in such clear provision and some in a hazy answer of waiting...some through a season of struggle and weariness and others through the epitome of joy and gratefulness. I have learned a lot in these last 6 months...

In those 6 months, I spent 2 months with my family being at home for the first time in over 5 years, I spent time applying, interviewing and finally accepted a teaching job five states away and moved 12 hours from home, I went on a date with one of my best friends and have been figuring out not only how to pursue each other, but also how to do it 600 miles apart...I have learned what it looks like to budget and pay bills and grocery shop and cook dinner. I have learned what it looks like to be so worn out from working that I fall asleep at 9 o'clock and I have learned what it looks like to naturally wake up at 7 o'clock on a Saturday. I have learned what it looks like to love a classroom full of students and how to discipline and show grace and display patience when you are so very weary. I have learned how to keep in contact with friends hundreds of miles away and the sweetness of quality time with kindred spirits. I have learned the importance of prayer and of being in God's Word and my love for hot tea that gets me through every morning. I have learned that I love creating a space and find so much joy in fixing something up. I have learned that I could antique shop all day on Saturdays and that nothing quite rejuvenates me like fresh air and sunshine. I have learned that I love breakfast, and that sometimes facetime dates can be almost as good as the real thing. I have learned that laundry and dishes often become last on the to do list and that is ok. I have learned that grading is a skill that I am not great at because I would rather every student get 100. I have learned that I love hugs and that I will easily keep a note and a picture forever. I have learned the joy that comes along with sponsoring a child and the sweetness of being able to help people and bless people with the gift of an income. I have learned that sometimes there's nothing like calling home after a long day, and there is something enchanting about the evening air. I have learned that I could sit outside all morning listening to the birds and lay outside all night looking at the stars. I have learned that saying yes can be good, but saying no can also be best. I have learned that I value quality time and that it is hard to be truly honest with myself. I have learned the benefit of hard conversations and the blessing that comes with honesty and trust. I have learned that goodbyes are hard and sometimes tears are good. I have learned that naps sometimes solve more than we know and that dependence on the Lord is something that can deepen every day. I have learned the importance of deep friendships and the incomparable foundation of faith that can last through mountains of change and seasons of hard transitions. I have learned the contentment of being where you know the Lord has placed you and the peace that comes in resting in his provision. I have learned that being 23 is full of life and lessons and laughter and tears and learning to pray and trust and love in a different way...

In this season of unsettledness, yet beginnings of new chapters, I am reminded of the many blessings and challenges that the Lord has given me and how grateful I am to have a faith that walks through both with such a steadiness. I am thankful for these past 6 months and grateful that the unknowns of this journey are so intricately known by a Savior who loves me deeply and has called me to be His. I am thanking him for the opportunities for faith that he continues to provide. Let's continue to do this thing, 23...I'm learning a lot.

Journaling

I have always loved writing down my thoughts...from documenting family vacations to writing short stories, I have small journals full of everything in-between. However, it wasn't until a small group Christmas party that I really started journaling.

My sweet friend Shelbi, who is one of the most grounded role models I know, gave me the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. She had this journal that I commented on more times than I can count. She took it everywhere with her and I watched the pages fill up throughout the year. I admired from afar, but had never even thought about getting my own. When I unwrapped my secret Santa gift, my heart filled with joy as I saw the familiar green cover under the wrapping.

She had written a genuine and heartfelt note about why she journals and I still go back and read that to this day. She encouraged me to pick up a pen and give my burdens to God, and wow has that drastically changed my life.

"You will be amazed at the blessings that will come out of this small tool."

Seven years later...I have a stack full of journals and pages filled with sweet truth, unashamed tears, countless prayers, heartfelt worries, heavy burdens, monumental milestones, and incredible praises glorifying our ever-sovereign and faithful God. Years of life, dozens of pages, and one God who never ceases to stop listening. Journaling has become one of the sweetest parts of my walk with the Lord and I am forever grateful for the days I can go back and read the journey He has taken me on and continue walking, and writing, page-by-page, my day-to-day struggles, joy-filled moments, and the continued unknowns of this grace-filled life we live.

Every leap of faith has moments of uncertainty...

The beginning of the school year for a teacher...who is not teaching...

This summer and beginning of August has been full of so many emotions as this is the first year that I am certified as a teacher and could be setting up my own classroom and welcoming in little ones. Feelings of making the wrong decision, of feeling behind, of second guessing my path that I am on... However, even though I am not "teaching in a classroom," I know my year will be full of teachable moments, both as the teacher and the student.

"Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." -Elisabeth Elliot 

My journey through the Forge isn't the same path that most of my friends/fellow teachers are on, but as one of my mentors and Education professor's said, "Stay focused on your purpose - you KNOW you are walking in His will and being completely obedient. Don't think of it as a delay to teaching - you were called to do this work and you answered in complete faith."

This isn't how I imagined spending my first August out of college, but it is neat to know that this is where I am right now, and I will continue walking in it and trusting that it is where I am supposed to be.

"The fear of making a wrong decision shouldn't strip the faith right out of our faith." 

"As long as you desire to please God with your decisions, no decision you make will be completely awful. Nor will any decision you make be completely awesome. Every decision is a package deal of both. Every thrill has an element of risk. Every leap of faith has moments of uncertainty. And every great success story has elements of failure."

-Lysa TerKeurst, "The Best Yes"

In these moments of uncertainty, I am holding fast to the faith that I have, and trying my best to walk daily in obedience and trust. I am thankful for everyone who is walking alongside of me in this journey. I can't say thank you enough for every prayer, donation, word of encouragement, and support.

With so much love and thankfulness, and a heart learning to trust...

http://www.journeythroughtheforge.blogspot.com/

Life Unwritten

Unwritten. What do you first think of when you hear the word “unwritten?” For the last few months, whenever I heard or saw the word “unwritten” I would think of my life. My life is unwritten. Now granted, I have lived a little over 17 years, and each chapter that I’ve lived through is written. However, whenever I feel like I’ve accomplished something big, made a huge decision, or completed a task in front of me, another one seems to be waiting at the finish line, or the end of the chapter. I have to laugh because I know when authors write a book, the best way to keep the reader’s attention at the end of each chapter is to end it in a way that you have to continue reading, and that’s the way my life seems. I know God has the finished copy up in Heaven, but He certainly isn’t letting me read it or look at it.

I’ve always thought I had the Table of Contents down and set in stone. I would start elementary school, finish middle school, enjoy my high school years, advance on to college, get the job I’ve always wanted, and marry the man of my dreams. I would then have kids, maybe adopt, teach them and raise them to love God above all else, and help them write their book just like I am in the process of writing mine. I would have a beach house in North Carolina and be the best mom possible. I have to stop myself there – life is not perfect. And that seems too perfect. God knows my Table of Contents that I have in my head, but I’m curious to see how different God’s chapters are for me than the chapters I want to write. He is the perfect author, and as I am living my life day by day passionately pursuing Him, I am figuring out what it truly means to let God have the pen to my life. He needs to be the author, not me.

I’ve always heard the quote,

"Life is God's novel. Let him write it."

So this blog is going to be a bit about my life, my journey pursuing God wholeheartedly, and what I learn along the way. He has taught me more than I can fathom over the last 17 years, and I can’t even begin to imagine what I will learn in the years to come as I let God take the pen out of my hands and begin writing my Unwritten story.